So, I couldn't sleep last night. I thought a couple of times to just wake up and sit there and stare at the ceiling, but instead I kept forcing myself to fall asleep. I believe in GOD, and I asked him over and over again to please help me deal with the pain in my heart.
I made this decision therefore I needed to really focus in passing this stage and just Move on.
I read a couple of articles during the day yesterday and they all basically said: " You can not talk to the person, You shouldn't date, You should get rid of the memories at least for awhile", It sounds all good in theory.. But we lived together and it was eight long years; Not many that I can remember were perfect, but what is?
And then I have this stupid fantasies of getting back together and it makes me angry that after all the pain that I have gone through I can still have that hope. Break up's are like ripping your heart out of your body. To walk around feeling like a zombie because is better to be numb. Knowing that having a single feeling will mean that I will be forced to deal with it.. and I do not; Do not want to deal with it.
But It is today, another Wake up; Another Sunshine, another sunset, Another day at work; Feeling sad and annoyed that I was so stupid and a big idiot.. I do beat myself up. Because I don't know how I let myself be content with Nothing; With a relationship that had no feelings; With doing it all and not ever asking for anything. I have walked for eight years emotionless; How did I go so long ?
Lord I ask you again for strength, Strength within me to get up from this and just move on.
And more than any strength to give me Hope; to let myself one day in the future believe that someone is capable of giving me love.
because with every New sunlight I know that there is Today and tomorrow is Gone.. !!!
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